Saturday, April 19, 2008

the curious incident at the Ruby Tuesdays in the daytime

About Ruby Tuesdays: the husband and I arrived for an early dinner and- wonder of wonders!- our hostess wasn’t vomitous. In fact, she was a thicker, taller version of Yours Truly (minus twinkling eyes and searing wit, mind). Long story short, it was slightly unnerving to see her throughout my meal. Sometimes I wish men would look at me the way other women are looked at. It doesn’t matter how much weight I lose, how clear my skin is or how boss my outfit is, I’m completely neuter and invisible. This has been bothering me, so I called my straight guy friends for perspective. The two (well, one and a half since ol’ what’s-his-nuts is “kinda” engaged to his Yellow Cab fling) were asked the simple question: do you think I’m attractive? G.F. #1 laughed and said “Are you serious, buddy?” “Yeah. Doable- yes or no?” He paused and said, “You’re really short.” I politely told him his mom was short and moved on to G.F. #2. Paraphrased transcript follows:
“Do you think I’m attractive?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s a simple yes or no.”
“Uh…well, I haven’t seen you in eleven years. You’re thirty-something now, huh?”
I hung up on him. Good luck on that “marriage”, buddy.

Right now, I'm feeling un-pretty and invisible. It's a terrible feeling. I'm a grown woman, damn it! A grown and sexy woman- why doesn't anyone else see this? And I'm not talking about porch monkeys in doo-rags and wife beaters sucking their teeth at anything with breasts. I'm talking about MEN. Discriminating men. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. What if I am, in fact, dead and I don't know it. That would sure explain a lot.

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