since you've been gone

Or, more appropriately, since I've been gone- this is what's transpired:

1. Turned in my "Holiday Plans" part 2. As far as I know, shooting hasn't started yet. I spoke to the director on the eve of the inauguration and he told me that he had a high profile music video and a commercial to shoot, so that was the priority over HP. Whatever. Haven't heard from him since.

2. Had an interview with a large defense contractor, DICK CHEESE, LTD. As I was leaving the offices, I was led to believe that I was not only in the running, but a definite front runner. Then, I check the website and realize that I am "no longer in consideration for the position". What the fuck ever. I hate these companies. I'm so qualified, it hurts and yet here I sit, under employed.

3. Speaking of underemployment, I quit my soul-sucking retail job. I hate working with and for people that I can buy and sell any day of the week. Yeah, I said it. Call me a bitch. I don't care. I still have Crackheads, Inc. and wouldn't you know they paid me the correct amount and on time? Methinks I might check my work email today- just to be nice.

4. Waited around in vain for studio heads, industry heads, hell BLACKheads to call me back, but no dice. Nobody's interested in Lucas, Mixtape or anything else I've got on offer. I'm dangerously close to throwing in the towel.

5. Offended four senior theater troupes from Detroit to Pittsburgh. All the theatre directors were receptive to my phone calls and emails and all were keen to read my play "Bless Their Hearts". That is, until they realized that it was about grannies on Ecstasy. Then, all four were keen to tell me to fuck right off. Well, fuck them right back.

That's the long and short of it. Life marches on, even though I so desperately wish it would stop and let me off. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I'm reading a book about true angel encounters and miracle healings and whatnot. It sucks to think that I just might be on the other side of all the fun. Sometimes I wonder why God is keeping me alive? I mean, He's literally yanked me from the jaws of death several times, so what the hell is my purpose? I know He loves me, but sometimes I wonder if I'm kept around for sport.

Man v/s WTF

I'm "working" from "home" (read: just got back from the dollar theatre with my son) and, while I'm checking my work email, my son turns on the t.v. to one of his favorite shows "Man v/s Wild". Let me tell you about this fool. He found a dead sheep, pulled out it's warm heart, and then took a big bite like it was a dub meat with freaking cheese! I almost threw the hell up. But that's not the worst of it. Just when I thought I'd pass out from foolishness overload, home skillet turned the carcass inside out and slid his body inside the dead sheep. Just like a damned sleeping bag, he was moving his feet around inside the sheep's head and making it dance.

Wanna know what the craziest part of this is? He's in flippin' IRELAND! IRELAND!? There's no earthly reason he should be out doing this shit in a first world, Western country. The natives are probably sitting around- with their Big Macs and REAL sleeping bags-wondering what the f*ck is this crackhead doing?

ball gags

I spent the last few days writing and rewriting Holiday Plans 2 and finally emailed it off on Thursday. Yesterday, the director called me to say that he got my email, but hasn't read the script yet. Whatevers. It's a good, clean family-friendly script which means that some of my best testicle jokes (or "ball gags", as it were) had to be left on the cutting room floor. *sigh*

Corbin Bleu's manager hasn't called/written/ sent a courier pigeon through my window, so I'm going to leap to the foregone conclusion that he's uninterested in Lucas Donovan. My sister and my husband keep telling me that "good news is no news" but with flaky Hollywood types, no news could just mean that he's too lazy/ too self-important to hand down a rejection and that he'd rather ignore me- or have a restraining order put against me. One of the two.

For some reason, I'm unable to blog over at myspace, so until that little glitch is worked out, me and my random thoughts (and my testicle jokes) will be camped out here. In the meantime, I have to get ready for work, so I'll check back in when something marvelous happens.

CEO of Crackheads, Inc.

I'm working from home for a crappy company that, if I wasn't so strapped for cash, I would have quit yesterday. Everyone- from the President on down- is unhelpful, unavailable, and less than knowledgeable. Then, the bastards paid me two months ahead of time, so I'm broke as a joke until 1 Feb. Grr. I'm just going to ride this one out until the end, but I'm resuming my job search. Love working from home. Can't stand working for crackheads.

Today has been a swell writing day, though. I'm watching "The Graduate" right now. Earlier, I watched "The Good Girl" with Jennifer Anniston. After I watched that, I was even more convinced that the L.A. guys were full of crap. I mean, why would JA want to play the co-lead in my script when the co-lead in my script is a skip, hop and a scrunchie away from someone she's already played? I mean, if you're an agent, you know this, right?

"Holiday Plans- the Sequel" is due next week, so I'm gonna get started on it.

yeah, so, anyway

Yeah, so, anyway, that was a sorry way to start off a new year, wasn't it? Hateration thinly veiled as constructive criticism. When all it was was Hate- straight up, no chaser. But, that's okay. God don't like ugly, so you can be sure that no amount of makeup can save her trifling ass. But I digress.

So far, the year has been fabulous! I'm still working from home, doing my government contracting thing as well as working in a clothing store at the mall (yech!) about twice a week. This government contracting thing has gotten me down as of late. See, it's a small company (I'm used to either working for the military or Fortune 500) which allows me to work from home, but many times it just seems like a huge ball of clusterf*ck that I spend a lot of time trying to unravel. Today, after speaking with Sgt. "Duh? I dunno?" at the Pentagon for about 20 minutes, I decided to call it a day. I mean, how am I supposed to get stuff poppin' if I don't have any backup? Work with me, people!

This morning, I received this in my inbox:

Dear Fantastika,

Just a quick note to thank you for letting me take a look at THE BEST SCRIPT EVER which I read over the holiday.

Unfortunately, this project is not going to be for us. I just didn't have a strong enough affinity for this particular plot to develop the project further here.

I do appreciate your giving me the opportunity to see your work and I wish you the best of luck with the project elsewhere.

Best wishes,
Professional Ball Licker Jones

Okay, so he may not be a quote-unquote "professional" ball licker, but sending out bunk, dream-crushing messages like them marks him as maybe an quote-unquote "apprentice" ball licker. Maybe a ball tickler...It's neither here nor there. Why? Because 2009 is my year, baby! It's all about getting my movie made this year! You know I'm gonna let ya'll know how it turns out, right?

Of course, dahling. Of course.

first haterism of 2009

All kinds of hateration and holleration in this dancery! :-)

Okay now I kind of feel like the bad friend. When I saw forward I didn't open this immediately because I just thought it was some type of joke or something. I didn't know that it was one of your shorts. I get so many emails that I filter based on the subject line. Thanks for sharing this with me. The dialog was not bad, the kids spoke like kids. Not a critisim of you, but the girls over acted. I liked the Jordan character, especially at the end, I also liked his friend, the other little boy. Was the lisp your idea or just what happened at casting...the lisp is a great effect.

The part about the little boy stealing the collection pot didn't seem to add to the story line, nor did it have a resolution or outcome, so it didn't really work for me.

I liked that Jordan spoke or expressed his feeling through Stillo, that is very realistic and enhances Jordan as a character.

My guess is that part of the plot was trying to speak to the current economic situation as an explanation for the minimal gifts under the tree, but when Jordan awoke the following morning, there seemed to be quite a few gifts under the tree, so this wasn't developed either. But I did like that Santa explained about parents possibly losing their jobs and the kids' response was real kid logic and then Jordan asking about the possible loss of a jobs over dinner really worked. I also like when his friend (boy) mentioned about using "a well place baby monitor" that makes how kids might find gifts more contemporary.

All in all, I watched it all the way through because I was interested in how it ended, so it kept my interest. I also think you ended it well with Jordan's best gift being a baby brother and the fact that his mom being pregnant that close to Christmas made him kind of oblivious to what pregnance actually meant. He didn't understand, but his dad showing him the pictures on Christmas morning helped him to understand.