In my myspace blog, I mostly talked about the negative that happened on the coast. What I forgot to tell you were the hilarious moments- and there were quite a few! First of all, the "According to Jim" taping. The show itself is pretty run-of-the-mill, but the comedian they had warming up the crowd? He was the real star! His name is Ron Pearson and he had me ROLLING! I wish I could see his act again. This fool told funny ass jokes, made fun of the foreigners in the crowd and, get this, juggled ping pong balls with his mouth! I know, I know. I'm missing a prime opportunity for a balls-in-the-mouth joke, but there's oh so much more.
At the taping, there was a woman without a bra on. However, she didn't have Baywatch breasts; the wild puppies were laying down flat against her flippin' stomach National Geographic style! I can't remember when I laughed so hard at somebody else's expense! To be fair, my own chocolate tube socks don't sit where they used to, but I also wear bras that have been superbly engineered. This woman, not only had her jungle boobies swinging in the wind, but she WOULD NOT SIT DOWN! Dude, she strutted up and down the audience area throughout the taping. Everytime I looked up, she was up, talking to somebody, laughing loud and just plain calling attention to herself. I'm still laughing...
Food-wise, it was almost as interesting. I ate an "alley dog"- a hot dog wrapped in freaking BACON- and it was wonderful going down. Tore my stomach up, but man! Was it worth it! By the time I got to the show taping, I was tired and a little peckish. So when the sandwiches and cookies were announced, my spirits lifted. Ha! That sandwich can best be described as "Misery with Mayonnaise". Terrible! The lettuce was so black it looked like kelp and the cheese was absolute shit. I would have been angry, had I not been laughing so hard.
When the cookies were passed down the row (I was sitting near the end), there were only two white chocolate macadamia nut cookies left (my very favorite cookie). Well, everybody was taking one cookie each until it got to this Middle Eastern bastard. He's not a bastard because he's from the Middle East, but because he took two cookies. And not just ANY two cookies- MY two cookies! The white chocos went straight from the tray into his greedy gob. After I didn't eat my bullshit sandwich, I was looking forward to my cookie. So, when Bastard McMannus stole my dessert, I was ready to fuck him up right.
Despite not being able to meet with folks, I had a wonderful time. Next time when I go back, I'll go for a week. Gotta go and work on my script. Did I tell you that I'm gonna win the 2010 Oscar for Best Original Screenplay? ;-)
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