remember the time

it wasn't supposed to be like this. MJ was supposed to go down with the ship. He was supposed to live forever.

four score and four months ago

Four score and four months ago, I left off with this blog, fully intending to return. Well, just like a bad penny or a herpes outbreak, I'm back. Here's the latest:

1. I eventually signed with said management company for the duration of the "Mixtape" project. We are also working on developing a sitcom idea that I had, as well. No money has exchanged hands and I am more than a little fed up. I sent him six of my best loglines and he basically "No Thank You"'d them all. He also hasn't taken my script to Corbin Bleu because, he says, it's too much like Mixtape. Lucas was the reason I was pressing ahead! If I don't get it to Corbin, I'm going to be more than a little pissed.

2. I've been working for the company formerly known as Dick Cheese, Inc. now for a few months. It's a paycheck, so I have no complaints.

3. Still playwriting. My play "Bless Their Hearts" hits the stage in small town Michigan next weekend. I won't be there, but it's cool. Just to know that there are people out there who enjoy my work is enough.

4. A couple of days ago, I received a CD copy of my radio play "Back from the Brink" in the mail. It was actually funny. My favorite part was the mom in the background screaming "There better be!"

Well, chickies, that's about it. I promise I'll be back with new and exciting adventures of the writing life of the DLF!

no news is still no news

I haven't heard anything from the Holiday Plans director about the location and dates of the shoot. Since they're thinking about shooting the second weekend in March, I'm thinking that they're taking their time. The director was shooting Russell Simmons' post-Grammy Party, so I guess he had other priorities. Still, a little email or text would be nice. I'm trying not to be high maintenance, but that would be counter to my diva nature.

Speaking of high-maintenance, I received an email from the "Mixtape" management folks asking for a conference call on Friday (today). Seems they have a director and a producer willing to come on board with the project. But, get these apples, they want a full rewrite. What the fuck did they see in the script in the first place if it has to be rewritten a fourth time? It's really annoying me. So I wrote them back and was all "I'm on board for a rewrite and conference call, but first I want a contract or at least a detailed memo outlining what our relationship is and how much we get paid upon sale, etc.".

Crickets.

That was Tuesday and I haven't heard NATHAN. No "I understand and I'll get back with you" email, no "fuck you, who do you think you is, the Wiz?", no nothing. So, this could be going two ways. One, they're drafting something and will get back with me or two, they were on the shady tip and I called their bluff. I'm hoping for option one, but if it's option 2, I'm ready for their asses. I'm too old to pay games. I want my movie on screen, but I'll be damned if I don't get paid for it.

Chef Shredder

Here's the latest: I spoke to the director of HP2 and he told me that they have two people in mind for the role of the "Chef Shredder"- and that these two are very interested in playing the role. The two people are Jaime Kennedy and Michael McDonald. Not the sissy-voiced, Colonel Sanders from the Doobie Brothers, but the guy who played Stuart on Mad TV! Is that boss or is that boss? I'm completely stoked about it, so I had to share. Shooting may or may not take place during the second weekend in March, but whenever it does, you'd better believe that the chocolate diva will be there!

Yesterday morning, I got an email from the manager who I met with in December. Seems that he's still keen on seeing the "Mixtape" rewrites. I wrote him back, telling him that I'm just about done with my read-through and that I'll send it on. Ya'll, I'm gonna send it on like I promised, but it's really hard to get behind this. I mean, either offer me a contract or not. I just don't think I can chop on this script one more time.

Speaking of chopping on perfection (*wink*), I read an article in a screenwriting mag talking about what was wrong with the script for the Dark Knight. Um, exuese me? That movie was up for Oscars in just about every category except screenwriting, so what's their beef? Wanna talk about scripts with problems? Let's talk "Juno"? Let's talk about how there are about fifteen scenes that do absolutely nothing to advance the story and about how every character- regardless of age- talks exactly the same. The only reason Jennifer Garner stood out was because she was the only one not speaking like a fourteen year old gamer. But whatever. Everyone's entitled to their opinions. Well, everyone except douchbags.


Anyway, I have to get back to my revisions, but I'll catch up after I hear more casting news or I talk to Stan Rogaine. Whichever comes first.

Stan the Sham

Oh, yeah. I forgot to call Stan Rogaine about ignoring my script. Never fear! I fully intend to show my natural black hindquarters. Ignore the DLF? Ha! Never that!

she works hard for the money

Prayer does, indeed, work! I just got my offer letter today from our erstwhile Dick Cheese, Inc. company. Yay! Dick Cheese, they are no longer. Henceforth, they shall only be known by their proper name (which has nothing to do with schmegma). Anyway, I must fax my acceptance letter in tomorrow morning and then I begin work (and collecting a paycheck, natch) on 9 March. It's been a long time coming, so I'm so grateful to have been offered a job when so many others are losing theirs. Things are looking up, up, up!

Earlier today, things were looking down, down, down as I received a long-overdue rejection letter from a prodco in Los Angeles. Well, at least they sent it and didn't have me waiting and hoping ad infinitum. It's back to the drawing board and the drawing board is pretty full these days. I'm revisiting a screenplay I'd written called "The Sophomore Gospel". It's teen religious noir and very outside my box, but in a talent-stretching way. I'm on page 70 and I'm anxious to see where my characters take me. Right now, they're being held hostage in their Catholic boarding school by Satan. Did I mention my main character is Asian? Not enough Asians have starring roles in movies. That's me, ya'll. A catalyst for change.

Tomorrow I have a ton of volunteer training to attend for my son's school, but I'm gonna try my best to squeeze in a couple more scenes in "Gospel". The more I think about this project, the more I'm falling in love with it all over again.

you spin me round round, baby, round round...

Sitting here in the familiar pink robe doing the familiar "write-revise-release" dance of the struggling writer, I decided to take a break and let you know what's new. Ah, the power of the blog! No sooner had I written that I hadn't heard from the Holiday Plans director (and how I didn't care because life sucked anyway...), did he text me with an apology and an assurance that production would go forward this month. Yay, but it's a Valentine's Day-themed script and I don't think it's going to make it out by next weekend. They do have a quick turnaround time, so let's see...

I've finished the revisions for the full-of-crap Barriowood producers. But instead of just sending it to them, I'm gonna submit the script to the Austin Film Festival. It couldn't hurt and I need the exposure.

Speaking of exposure, I'm going to call Stan Rogow and show my ass. That's Corbin Bleu's manager/gatekeeper and he's going to get a full frontal view of my chocolate moon today. What kind of professional can't shoot off a "thanks, but no thanks" email? I can't wait to tell him where he and his bald-headed black granny can go. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be his air-headed assistant's fault that nothing has happened. What if she's in charge of reading scripts? What if she's the keymaster to his gatekeeper? Heaven forbid if she's anything like the other empty-headed, silicone-injected, failed abortions that roam the streets of Los Angeles.

I'm actually looking forward to this chat. Until then, back on the hamster wheel...

since you've been gone

Or, more appropriately, since I've been gone- this is what's transpired:

1. Turned in my "Holiday Plans" part 2. As far as I know, shooting hasn't started yet. I spoke to the director on the eve of the inauguration and he told me that he had a high profile music video and a commercial to shoot, so that was the priority over HP. Whatever. Haven't heard from him since.

2. Had an interview with a large defense contractor, DICK CHEESE, LTD. As I was leaving the offices, I was led to believe that I was not only in the running, but a definite front runner. Then, I check the website and realize that I am "no longer in consideration for the position". What the fuck ever. I hate these companies. I'm so qualified, it hurts and yet here I sit, under employed.

3. Speaking of underemployment, I quit my soul-sucking retail job. I hate working with and for people that I can buy and sell any day of the week. Yeah, I said it. Call me a bitch. I don't care. I still have Crackheads, Inc. and wouldn't you know they paid me the correct amount and on time? Methinks I might check my work email today- just to be nice.

4. Waited around in vain for studio heads, industry heads, hell BLACKheads to call me back, but no dice. Nobody's interested in Lucas, Mixtape or anything else I've got on offer. I'm dangerously close to throwing in the towel.

5. Offended four senior theater troupes from Detroit to Pittsburgh. All the theatre directors were receptive to my phone calls and emails and all were keen to read my play "Bless Their Hearts". That is, until they realized that it was about grannies on Ecstasy. Then, all four were keen to tell me to fuck right off. Well, fuck them right back.

That's the long and short of it. Life marches on, even though I so desperately wish it would stop and let me off. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I'm reading a book about true angel encounters and miracle healings and whatnot. It sucks to think that I just might be on the other side of all the fun. Sometimes I wonder why God is keeping me alive? I mean, He's literally yanked me from the jaws of death several times, so what the hell is my purpose? I know He loves me, but sometimes I wonder if I'm kept around for sport.

Man v/s WTF

I'm "working" from "home" (read: just got back from the dollar theatre with my son) and, while I'm checking my work email, my son turns on the t.v. to one of his favorite shows "Man v/s Wild". Let me tell you about this fool. He found a dead sheep, pulled out it's warm heart, and then took a big bite like it was a dub meat with freaking cheese! I almost threw the hell up. But that's not the worst of it. Just when I thought I'd pass out from foolishness overload, home skillet turned the carcass inside out and slid his body inside the dead sheep. Just like a damned sleeping bag, he was moving his feet around inside the sheep's head and making it dance.

Wanna know what the craziest part of this is? He's in flippin' IRELAND! IRELAND!? There's no earthly reason he should be out doing this shit in a first world, Western country. The natives are probably sitting around- with their Big Macs and REAL sleeping bags-wondering what the f*ck is this crackhead doing?

ball gags

I spent the last few days writing and rewriting Holiday Plans 2 and finally emailed it off on Thursday. Yesterday, the director called me to say that he got my email, but hasn't read the script yet. Whatevers. It's a good, clean family-friendly script which means that some of my best testicle jokes (or "ball gags", as it were) had to be left on the cutting room floor. *sigh*

Corbin Bleu's manager hasn't called/written/ sent a courier pigeon through my window, so I'm going to leap to the foregone conclusion that he's uninterested in Lucas Donovan. My sister and my husband keep telling me that "good news is no news" but with flaky Hollywood types, no news could just mean that he's too lazy/ too self-important to hand down a rejection and that he'd rather ignore me- or have a restraining order put against me. One of the two.

For some reason, I'm unable to blog over at myspace, so until that little glitch is worked out, me and my random thoughts (and my testicle jokes) will be camped out here. In the meantime, I have to get ready for work, so I'll check back in when something marvelous happens.

CEO of Crackheads, Inc.

I'm working from home for a crappy company that, if I wasn't so strapped for cash, I would have quit yesterday. Everyone- from the President on down- is unhelpful, unavailable, and less than knowledgeable. Then, the bastards paid me two months ahead of time, so I'm broke as a joke until 1 Feb. Grr. I'm just going to ride this one out until the end, but I'm resuming my job search. Love working from home. Can't stand working for crackheads.

Today has been a swell writing day, though. I'm watching "The Graduate" right now. Earlier, I watched "The Good Girl" with Jennifer Anniston. After I watched that, I was even more convinced that the L.A. guys were full of crap. I mean, why would JA want to play the co-lead in my script when the co-lead in my script is a skip, hop and a scrunchie away from someone she's already played? I mean, if you're an agent, you know this, right?

"Holiday Plans- the Sequel" is due next week, so I'm gonna get started on it.

yeah, so, anyway

Yeah, so, anyway, that was a sorry way to start off a new year, wasn't it? Hateration thinly veiled as constructive criticism. When all it was was Hate- straight up, no chaser. But, that's okay. God don't like ugly, so you can be sure that no amount of makeup can save her trifling ass. But I digress.

So far, the year has been fabulous! I'm still working from home, doing my government contracting thing as well as working in a clothing store at the mall (yech!) about twice a week. This government contracting thing has gotten me down as of late. See, it's a small company (I'm used to either working for the military or Fortune 500) which allows me to work from home, but many times it just seems like a huge ball of clusterf*ck that I spend a lot of time trying to unravel. Today, after speaking with Sgt. "Duh? I dunno?" at the Pentagon for about 20 minutes, I decided to call it a day. I mean, how am I supposed to get stuff poppin' if I don't have any backup? Work with me, people!

This morning, I received this in my inbox:

Dear Fantastika,

Just a quick note to thank you for letting me take a look at THE BEST SCRIPT EVER which I read over the holiday.

Unfortunately, this project is not going to be for us. I just didn't have a strong enough affinity for this particular plot to develop the project further here.

I do appreciate your giving me the opportunity to see your work and I wish you the best of luck with the project elsewhere.

Best wishes,
Professional Ball Licker Jones

Okay, so he may not be a quote-unquote "professional" ball licker, but sending out bunk, dream-crushing messages like them marks him as maybe an quote-unquote "apprentice" ball licker. Maybe a ball tickler...It's neither here nor there. Why? Because 2009 is my year, baby! It's all about getting my movie made this year! You know I'm gonna let ya'll know how it turns out, right?

Of course, dahling. Of course.

first haterism of 2009

All kinds of hateration and holleration in this dancery! :-)

Okay now I kind of feel like the bad friend. When I saw forward I didn't open this immediately because I just thought it was some type of joke or something. I didn't know that it was one of your shorts. I get so many emails that I filter based on the subject line. Thanks for sharing this with me. The dialog was not bad, the kids spoke like kids. Not a critisim of you, but the girls over acted. I liked the Jordan character, especially at the end, I also liked his friend, the other little boy. Was the lisp your idea or just what happened at casting...the lisp is a great effect.

The part about the little boy stealing the collection pot didn't seem to add to the story line, nor did it have a resolution or outcome, so it didn't really work for me.

I liked that Jordan spoke or expressed his feeling through Stillo, that is very realistic and enhances Jordan as a character.

My guess is that part of the plot was trying to speak to the current economic situation as an explanation for the minimal gifts under the tree, but when Jordan awoke the following morning, there seemed to be quite a few gifts under the tree, so this wasn't developed either. But I did like that Santa explained about parents possibly losing their jobs and the kids' response was real kid logic and then Jordan asking about the possible loss of a jobs over dinner really worked. I also like when his friend (boy) mentioned about using "a well place baby monitor" that makes how kids might find gifts more contemporary.

All in all, I watched it all the way through because I was interested in how it ended, so it kept my interest. I also think you ended it well with Jordan's best gift being a baby brother and the fact that his mom being pregnant that close to Christmas made him kind of oblivious to what pregnance actually meant. He didn't understand, but his dad showing him the pictures on Christmas morning helped him to understand.